The Most Useful Thing You Can Do For Your Server At An Expensive Steakhouse

If you know one thing about etiquette, it should be the fact that the so-called rules are never static. Restaurant manners depend largely on where you are dining, and what's considered acceptable at Waffle House might be utterly déclassé somewhere nice. Proper napkin etiquette at a fancy restaurant is a subject unto itself, for instance, while almost anywhere you stash your paper napkin at Applebee's will be just fine. When it comes to making life easy for your server and being a "good" customer at a pricey steakhouse, it doesn't matter whether or not you clink your wine glasses. It does matter if you listen, however. Formal dining isn't always intuitive, and your server is the best person to guide you through your meal. Questions, on their own, are not just fine, but welcomed. Redundancy, however, should be avoided if you are aiming to be polite.

To crib an example from Reddit, where this question came up on a forum dedicated to servers, your restaurant of choice may have a certain way it cooks steaks that's unique from other eateries. To make sure your steak is done the way you like and doesn't need to be sent back, use your ears when your server explains things as part of their greeting spiel. Likewise, in fine dining, your server may give you personal recommendations as to what sides, sauces, or accompaniments will make your meal better. A waiter at a fancy steakhouse is not the same as one at a greasy spoon — fine dining waitstaff are well-trained experts at delivering an exceptional experience. Don't assume that you know better than their advice!

Unlike the etiquette rules for drinking at a winery, which may not be intuitive, you have everything you need for an enjoyable meal at a fancy steakhouse when you're a considerate guest: your menu and your server. Treating your server like a human being is always mandatory for folks who aren't boors — to that end, you listen when other people talk, right? 

Exercise your good manners as a patron at a steakhouse by reading the menu thoroughly (nowadays, you can even pre-game this part of the evening by checking out the menu online) and approaching your server with any questions. In this way, you will be educated and make the right decision as to what to eat. If you insist on ordering your prime rib medium-well after your server warns you that it is best experienced at medium-rare, you will have nobody to blame but yourself if your meat comes out like shoe leather. Does the restaurant include an automatic gratuity for certain parties? If so, this will definitely be in the menu ... careful reading will guarantee you aren't caught off-guard, and make for a better experience for both you and your server.