The Trader Joe's Frozen Pizza That Doesn't Belong On Your Grocery List

On Foodie's list of the best and worst frozen pizzas for supreme lovers, Trader Joe's "Trader Giotto's" Pizza Parlanno was considered a dud. Only technically a supreme pizza due to its mixture of sausage, pepperoni, peppers, and onions (but no mushrooms or no olives), the Pizza Parlanno disappointed us with a combination of insipid, uninspired crust, mushy vegetables, and the overwhelming savor of sausage. While this TJ's stalwart — it's been kicking in the freezer aisle for about 15 years — didn't earn the dubious distinction of the absolute worst frozen pizza brand in the grocery store, it was a disappointment nonetheless. We tend to hold Trader Joe's private label brands to a higher standard, and sadly this pie just wasn't up to par.

Interestingly, the internet contains mixed reactions to Pizza Parlanno. While there are those who swear that it is a paragon amongst frozen 'za, we tracked down several reviewers who not only agreed that the pizza was wanting, but disliked it for many of the same reasons that we cited. After diving deep into what the web had to say about Pizza Parlanno, we were left wondering whether inaccurate cooking instructions might not be partially to blame for the spate of complaints.

One review of Pizza Parlanno took issue with the pepperoni's flavor overpowering everything else on the pie. Meanwhile, in our review, we felt that the culprit was sausage (and we weren't the only ones), but that doesn't change the fact that a supreme pizza — or even a pizza that is only "supreme-ish" like this one — should strike a balance between the veggies and the proteins. On YouTube, a vlogger dedicated to reviewing frozen pizza was decidedly "meh" on the sauce, commenting that it didn't taste like much, and also noting that there should be more of it. Interestingly, they also felt that the crust needed something in terms of consistency. Reviewers of the Pizza Parlanno just about everywhere repeatedly bring up the crust, making us wonder if we've cracked the reason why it's so meh.

Trader Joe's instructions claim that the Pizza Parlanno should be cooked for 10 to 12 minutes in a preheated 450-degree oven, but most folks agree that this cooking time is insufficient to crisp the crust and toppings. A Trader Joe's fan blog achieved much better results with 14 minutes of cooking time at the same temperature. Now that we've learned about the hack of cooking frozen pizza on the grill to make it extraordinary, we're wondering if PIzza Parlanno might be a good candidate for this treatment. Or, you could just skip it entirely ... we still have to admit that there are far better frozen pies out there.