The Type Of Pizza That Literally Won't Go Bad For Years

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You've heard the saying that there's no such thing as bad pizza, but we are here to heartily disagree. When pizza is good, it's nothing short of heavenly. When it's subpar, it's a distinctly unpleasant experience. There's a world of difference, after all, between a pie you just ate at the best pizza shop in the world and the worst frozen pizza brand at the grocery store. Then, in its own category, there is MRE pizza. For those uninitiated in U.S. military jargon, MRE is an acronym for "meal, ready to eat" and it refers to shelf-stable rations of food that are meant to be carried in the field where there may be no access to heat or refrigeration. Yes, MRE pizza exists and it is considered edible for between five and 10 years.

In terms of facts you never knew about pizza, we're willing to bet that our species' ability to make it last longer than an Olympiad was a head-scratcher for you. While cold leftover pizza for breakfast the next morning can be a delicacy, the very idea of unheated dough with a squirt of sauce and long-lasting cheese and pepperoni chunks is ... something else entirely. You can go on Amazon right now and pick up a genuine "pizza slice, pepperoni" MRE that contains a full meal, complete with one pizza slice, some squeezable jalapeño cheese spread, an oatmeal cookie, berry cobbler, and a chocolate protein shake. In the meantime, let's see what the internet has to say.

First of all, many reviewers commented that they were surprised how small the "slice" of pizza in the MRE ration turned out to be. It's a compact rectangle that looks vaguely like pizza ... and that's the only way to describe things. It appears desiccated, which is in line with what one blogger noted. "It was thick and doughy and very dry ... just too dry," said Ashley Pomeroy of Women and Dreams. "I think a microwaved piece of Little Caesar's after it's been in the fridge for two or three days would be equivalent," opined a Redditor who also noted a strong taste of preservatives. A pair of taste-testers on Military.com had kinder words, however. "[I]f you're living in the field and you're tired and hungry, I think it would taste pretty good," they commented, adding that, even when heating elements were available, the pizza tasted better at room temperature.

It should be observed that most MREs don't exactly rank as culinary delights for people not huddled in foxholes. While tastiness is a bonus, the military intends these rations to keep members of the armed forces sustained in dire situations with nutritionally-complete meals that can withstand the elements. The pizza MRE was developed in 2018 after the Army received multiple requests over the span of decades, proving it was very wanted. When it comes to filling your belly after a grueling hike in a foreign country, maybe any pizza is good pizza after all.